Have you ever been at the office or out in public and have someone say, "Boy, you look tired today!" We all know this is really code for "Boy, you look like crap today!" So what happens when you get this comment and you are not tired at all. Do you take it personally?
This happened to me the other day and I felt like saying, "I actually feel pretty good today, but thanks for the feedback". However, being the polite Canadian that I am and not wanting someone to feel uncomfortable, I said that I was feeling very tired.
This blatant disregard for a persons feelings is something I have to discuss. Do people ask questions like this to make themselves feel better or perhaps they want to find out the dirt of why you are tired? Even if the person is tired, don't you think they know that and therefore do not need others pointing it out? Either way, I don't think enough people have watched Bambi to learn the wise lesson of "if you can’t say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
I will be the first to admit that this comment has come out of my own mouth before, but now I am more conscience of it. Instead of saying comments that most people do not want to hear, I try and give comments that make people feel good about themselves. It is a small thing to do, but I know that a compliment goes a long way on me. I try to live by the notion of treating others how I would like to be treated. I compliment people when they get their hair cut, when they have a shirt on that brings out their eyes, or try to remember significant information a person has told me in order to bring it up another time.
These are the comments that should be coming out of our mouths. The kind that makes a persons day.
So next time instead of “Boy, you look tired!” how about saying, “You have a beautiful smile.”
6 comments:
you must use great eye cream cause i swear to gawd you are like, 83 years old. you are too funny! and i HOPE it was not moi who told you you look tired. gulp.
I totally agree with you. It is amazing how far a little compliment can go. By saying something small like "nice hair cut" or "you have such a beautiful smile", or even asking a person about something can really make a persons day. It may be so small that you don't even remember, but I'll bet it will make a big impact on the other person.
Great Blog, I really enjoyed this one.
Jos,Next time you get a comment like that just throw it back in their court. And say to them exactly what Granny used to say" Personal remarks are in bad taste!" And they will get the point.Mum oxo
I'm sure there has been occassion that I have remarked to someone that they look tired but usually it is someone that I know well and it is always out of genuine concern.
Unless it comes from someone that I know has a history of being catty - I would take it as a sign of concern - nothing more - nothing less.
Now, Josie.... WHO would have said something THAT bold?! To be honest, I probably would have had the same response as you: Polite agreement is always the easy, default reaction. However, now that I have been enlightened by your blog, I have come to the conclusion that the best response to a bold statement is a bold answer. I can't wait until someone tells me I look tired, so that I can tell them that "I feel bloody fantastic!"
I'll let you know how it goes!
Ciao,
Laura T.
Great post Josie! If we all think before we speak, the world could be a much better place. I actually just created a blog with this title "Think First, Speak Second." Check it out at the address below if you have time.
thinkfirst-speak2nd.blogspot.com
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